Something About the Night

The night times are the worst for me. I can occasionally rest during the day for a few hours, but I'm lucky if I ever get a solid two hours' sleep on any given night. When the pain starts, I move. I try to adjust, breathe, relax, visualize. And sometimes it works for a while. But I seem to always end up being consumed in pain.

The medication helps, I've just got to learn when it's time to take more, as there is a delay while it kicks in. I'm on a long lasting time-release and a separate drug for the breakthrough pain. The breakthroughs are real hard to control if they aren't caught early. And sometimes I let it go, thinking it'll subside.

When I can no longer handle being in bed, I wander. I go downstairs and lay on the couch, that usually offers some respite. I surf the web. I make lists. I write. Then eventually I'm crashed in the basement apartment, before waking up and stumbling back upstairs to the master bedroom to continue the cycle.

I can kill a whole night this way. I do it often. As a matter of fact, I'm in the midst of it right now.

1:29am 5/24/2011

Arlington VA